“Free Will.” I am learning
so much these days as a temporary parent, with a son on loan from God
and from his earthly mother. I don't even want to think about the
Pre-destination vs. Free Will debate right now. I have no doubt that
Psalms 46:10 and 11 are true and that God is sovereign: “Be
still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
We can indeed cease and desist from striving, from effort, from works
and quiet our hearts before the King of the Universe, knowing that He
will be glorified, that He will be exalted – because He is God, and
we are not.
However,
at the same time I am blown away more and more each day by the
incredible freedom that God allows to operate in, with His permission
and within that all-encompassing sovereignty. He truly does want our
love, and not our obligatory service. I can give my “son” advice,
I can set down rules and consequences... but his grudging and
dark-faced obedience is not what makes me happy. On the contrary, it
breaks my heart. I don't want his reluctant service or his conformity
– I want his heart. I want to see him able to make the best (and
hardest) choices for himself. Choices to love, to toss fear out the
window, choices to deny himself, to give to others, to be considerate
and kind, to seek his Heavenly Father and His will with all his
heart. And the only way those choices are valid is if he is the one
making them – not me. So there are times that I don't insist... I
make my desires known... then give him freedom to make a decision,
knowing that I may worry and ache when I see him choosing what will
eventually bind him instead of freeing him.
But
the alternative is miserable and multiple times worse. Forcing his
hand, forcing his obedience, constraining him through punishment,
shame and manipulation to conform to my will – these only breed
anger, rebellion and push him farther and farther away from the
ultimate goal, which is his true freedom to choose love. And I see
more clearly each day how God has given man the dangerous and
heart-wrenching freedom to choose Him or to deny Him. And I am
starting to feel how His holy and loving Father's heart must ache
when He sees his children run helter-skelter away from Him toward
their own (and even others') destruction. But the other option is
impossible for a God who desires our very hearts and selves, free
and able to choose what is for His glory not just our own comfort or
pleasure, what is loving, what is bold, what is based on trust in His
love for us – not our forced obedience, nor our dark-faced service.
God gives us a ridiculously long leash and is absurdly patient with
us, preferring a few that see and choose to return His prodigal love,
even if it means leaving others to shipwreck their lives on the rocks
of rage and selfishness. He prefers to permit the consequences of our
terrible decisions in the world, instead of Divinely and irrevocably
insisting that we all obey unquestioningly ... and involuntarily.
Thoughts? I'd love your wisdom too - I for sure feel super un-prepared for this!
Thoughts? I'd love your wisdom too - I for sure feel super un-prepared for this!
“Or
do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and
patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to
repentance?”
Romans
2:4
