After the 3 hour bus ride, I made my way up through the dusty
and hilly streets in the foothills of Carabayllo for one last visit. Two years ago, my heart was angry at this
young lady, angry at her wantonness, and angry at my foster son’s inability to resist
her. Of course he wasn’t the problem…
she was. If only she weren’t so easy, or so aggressive, he would be able to see
clearer. What I wasn’t seeing (or wanting to see), was that she was just as
broken as he was… but she had no warning voice reining her in. So he struggled, and she won her prize – a young
man who turned his back on God to be with her, and in so doing, turned his back
on his conscience and gave up the struggle to deny himself anything. He crumbled
in the face of the temptation of turning back to drugs, of life on the streets…
and of other girls. 5 months after winning her “prize,” she was pregnant, and
the father of their baby was already with another girl, working sporadically, and
treating her like something to be used and discarded. “Enlarge your heart,” God had spoken to me way
back when she was relentlessly pursuing him… and vice versa. Oh, how slow we
are as parents to see, that the fault may lay within our own. How slow to see that that “problem,” may be
someone just as desperate in need of love, of counsel, of the presence of
someone who truly cares and is willing to speak the truth to them in love.
Now, two
years later, I’ve had the privilege of spending time with her, and with her
son, who is a precious and smiley 8 month-old. I pray with all my being that he
is not another casualty of the consequences of abandonment, family violence,
abuse or neglect. She is so young… and
still so broken. It has been good to be with her, hear her story, and be able to speak some truth – in love
this time – to her. Truth about her worth, about God’s love for her, about her
need for His counsel, as He truly does care for her. I’m not sure how much she has “heard.” When
we fix our eyes on another savior apart from Jesus, we are easily sidetracked. She is soon heading back to
the jungle to try to raise her son with his father, who says he is now repentant for the way he treated her, and I pray that somehow, in
the mess of it, they all find God’s redeeming grace, forgiveness, and wisdom.
However, as I walked up the hills
of Carabayllo, I wasn’t praying anymore for my heart to be open to her, now there
was another “problem.” Her sister has
been living with her and their mother for a few months now also, recently
broken up with her fiancé. In my mind
and heart, I had made her into a “problem,” as well. Joking with her sister
about being a “sinner” as she tried to read her Bible, dressing provocatively
as she went out on the street… I was convinced that she was being a bad
influence on her younger sister in her vulnerable state. “Lord, help me to see her through your eyes,
help me to love her with your love,” I prayed as I walked. I had found out that she wasn’t working for
the moment, a flu having kept her home for a few days. My self-righteous nature is easily awakened,
and once again I found myself in the clutches of “if onlys…”
When I arrived, the sister was
there, and not the brash girl I had seen on my last visit. She asked about
missions, asked about why and how I was in Peru, and confessed her difficulty
in connecting with God. She shared how she had gone to church with her fiancé,
and had received Christ, but only to please him. She confessed how boring she
found church, and how she had told her fiancé she wanted to be there and wanted
to follow Christ, when she really didn’t at the time. In effect, she was
sincere and vulnerable with me… and it undid me. God answered my prayer for my heart to be
open to her in ways I didn’t know were possible during that short visit. Over
lunch when I was talking with her Mom about giving her life to God to have Him
sort through it instead of her trying to “clean it up” in order to give it back
to Him pretty, the sister broke down crying.
“I’d really like to follow God,” she said, “but the world seems so
attractive sometimes… and church so boring. Do I have to go to church to follow
God?” We had a great conversation about the need for fellow believers, about
different churches, and about the value of the eternal versus the
temporal. I got to share the fun fact
that I’ve never found God boring after deciding to follow Him wholeheartedly…
frustrating, painful, and heart-rending at times, but never boring, hahaha.
So, once again, I am humbled by the
fact that God uses us even in our brokenness. Do join me in praying for this
family who are searching and hungry for Love.
And for me, that I’ll continue loving in ways that are stretching to
this sometimes-critical heart.
